DEVELOPING INDEPENDENCE IN YOUR CHILD

I am reminded of the poem "Two Sculpors":

"I dreamed I stood in a studio and watched two sculptors there;
The clay they used was a young child's mind, and they fashioned it with care.
One was a teacher, the tools he used were books, music and art.
The other a parent, who worked with a guiding hand and a gentle loving heart.
Day after day, the teacher toiled, with touch that was deft and sure.
While the parent labored by his side, and polished and smoothed it o'er.
And when at last the task was done, they were proud of what they had wrought.
For the things they had molded into the child, could neither be sold nor bought.
And each agreed he would have failed if he had worked alone.
For behind the Teacher stood the school, and behind the Parent, the home."

As I read this, I couldn't help but wonder, "What is the child doing? Standing there while the Teacher and Parent mold him into their idea of what he should be?" It does not fit with Montessori philosophy at all. Yet I found this poem on a Montessori website!

We- as teachers and a school- need to be clear what the goals of a Montessori-based experience are for your child. And then we need to help you, the parent, continue that goal within the home. As a Montessori-trained teacher, I can help with the first, and as a recipient of a Masters in Holistic education, I can help with the second. January's Blog will address our school goal and then focus on one way you, the parent, can help develop that goal within the home and at school. (Just a note: This month I will use the male pronoun and in subsequent blogs, I will vary it with the female one.)

First, one of the biggest goals for every child at our school is to become independent. What does that entail? At the 3-6 year-old level (which is my level of teaching), it means helping the child do things for himself so that he no longer needs us. This starts on the first day of preschool when the child walks up the stairs and looks for his locker, otherwise known as the Arrival. We try to have a picture of the child on his locker to make the search easy. We also have the child's name on it, as some children can recognize their name. The very next step is to open the locker door-no easy feat because of the mechanism that must be pulled straight up. After parents and teachers show the child how to do this and after a bit of practice by the child, he becomes very deft at this skill. Then there's the un-doing of all the outerwear the child arrives in. Not a problem in the fall, but come winter, it is amazing how skilled the child does this by himself-mittens, scarf, coat, snowpants, boots! All of it goes on low hooks inside the locker, within the child's reach. Slippers go on next, followed by the backpack sequence: take out the school folder, hang up the backpack, then put the folder in the basket on the way into the room.

This sounds easy by January--your child can do this, right? Yet there are still parents who insist the child "needs" them to do this for them; same at the end of the day. If you want your child to be an independent person, you have to allow them to be. It brings to mind the parent volunteer who said to me after watching children in our room for the morning, "I see I have done too much for my child; he can do it himself!"

In the Montessori classroom, we 1) teach "how"--how to clean up a spill, how to wash your hands, how to wash the dishes and dry them, how to interrupt, how to wait, how to wash a chair, how to organize one's work, how to mop, how to set the table, how to just about everything 2) provide the necessary materials to accomplish each of those tasks at a level they can reach them at and with tools at a size they can use them at and 3) guide them through the tasks until they no longer need us. Then we back away and allow them the space to do it independently. We keep in mind the task may not be done as well as we could do it, but that is not the goal, remember; the goal is to help children become independent.

You can help us at school by simply leaving in the morning to allow your child to go through the Arrival process on his own. After school, we understand there are times when you may be in a rush; I am not talking about that-we understand that. But I am saying all other days you should allow your child the time he needs to get it all back on and then come meet you in the gym, where you are waiting patiently.

Let us turn to the home, now, and see how independence can be fostered there. There are many opportunities to follow through with what the child does during Arrival at school within the home. For instance, look at this list and see what you already do and what you might do to improve:
1. Low hook to hang up his belongings with perhaps his picture or name
2. Low bench to sit on to put on his belongings/use a shoe horn
3. Place to hang backpack
4. Slippers available to put on for in-house use
5. Place to put his folder until you have time to look at it with him

In his bedroom, independence can be fostered by:
1. A low hanger pole which the child can reach to hang up/remove clothes of his choosing.
2. Shelves for toys and not so many they cannot be seen-if you can rotate them, all the better.
3. A lamp beside the bed that the child can operate.
4. A flashlight beside the bed for the child to use when needed.
5. Clothing choices for the next day; make sure whatever choices you offer you are okay with.
6. A bulletin board low enough and with tacks the child can use to change his artwork.
7. A desk with proper lighting and supplies for the child to concentrate at at will.

In the kitchen, children will demonstrate their independence if you first show them what you want and then are guided, just like at school, and then allowed to do it as best they can without fixing their work until they are out of sight (EX: Sometimes the tablecloths the Ks put on the tables look like they were blind when they did it, but we wait until they leave for their Specials before we fix them!). Here are some ideas:
1. Provide a shelf/drawer with cereal bowl, glass, and a tub with cover of cereal so the child can prepare his own breakfast set-up.
2. A small pitcher of milk in frig for cereal. Keep it on a shelf the child can reach.
3. Cookware tools of the child's size (you can buy these from Montessoriservices.com), such as a whisk, tongs, chef's hat, rotary beater, broom, dust pan and whisk broom, etc.
4. Fruit and healthy snacks available at the child's reach--put out only what you feel is an acceptable amount for when he is in need.
5. Show him what to do with the soiled dishes so he can bus his own table.

I hope you will consider your home as an extension of the school. If you have placed your child in our school because you want your child to be an independent person, then you can expand on that idea within your home. If you are still helping your child at school or at home, you are denying your child the chance to grow up and this article may be a "wake-up call" to re-consider your actions.

Next month I will discuss another goal of the Montessori school, self-motivation.