REWARDING EXPECTED BEHAVIOR

Last Friday when I handed out progress reports, the Ks cheered! My forehead furrowed up questioning this response until, that is, I heard their comments amidst the cheers: "My dad is giving me $100 if I have a good report card! I'm getting $50! I'm getting a fish! I'm getting ..." My response was immediate. "You've got to be kidding me! Why can't you say, 'No thank you, Mom, Dad, I did it just because it was the right thing to do!'" Their pause in excitement was only momentary, and out the door they flew looking forward to whatever motivation was being leveraged to produce the desired result.

From the very first meeting with parents at Orientation, I asked, "What do you want for your children?" And "What do you want to be the reason for this?" Let's say you thought, 'I want my child to succeed in school' and the answer to be 'Because they will have a good life.' I should have added, "What do you want to be the motivation for this?" I see now that some of the answers were, "Money" and "Food" and "Prizes." That's what was revealed last Friday to me.

It goes against what we are trying to do here at Lakeview. It goes against why you selected our school as a place to help raise your child and I would be chagrin in my duties if I did not call you on it.

As Children's House teachers, we observe what materials your child is drawn to naturally; in other words, which materials they are drawn to from within, not through a reward system. It is through this inner motivation that the child is driven to "make himself into an adult," using Montessori's words. We do not entice them with rewards but feed their inner spirit when they show interest in something. We did not give the boy who voraciously read 4 books on Monday with money or pets or food or prize; we celebrated with a smile and "Alleluia!" his success at learning to read. Nor did we motivate with reward the child who spent half an hour trying her best to tie bows on the Tying Frame, only to sit in tears because she couldn't do it; instead, I talked to her about the 6 times I dropped my motorcycle learning to ride it and the frustraton I felt last night trying to figure out how to get my new sewing machine to work; I said I was going to take a break and go back to it again; and I reminded her of all the wonderful things we learn from our mistakes--no where did she hear me motivate her with money or food, nor did I do it for her.

It is indeed a harder road to travel when you put the child's inner motivation first; otherwise, we could just decide what everyone was going to learn - or re-learn- at the same time and be in control of their choices. But we have to trust that the child's true nature will be revealed to us through his/her choices within the classroom, and to continue to offer activities to those still finding their way. That's why we spend time demonstrating, presenting materials, and observing their choices. There are no external rewards because that becomes a hindrance to the child building himself up to an adult. The idea of reward is an adult idea, and it needs serious rethinking on why you have your child in a program that makes conscious efforts to promote self-motivation.